Central Scotland Police

Why do Victims Stay?

We appreciate that victims stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Often there is no clear motive. Not all victims recognise that they are being abused.

Each incident reported to the police will be dealt with in a thorough and professional manner regardless of how many previous reports have been made and whether or not the complainer has subsequently withdrawn their co-operation or ignored advice given to them by the police or other agencies.

The following is a list of contributing factors that may cause an abused person to remain with, or return to an abusive relationship:

Frequency and severity

The abuse may occur over a relatively short period of time and the abuser may say it will not happen again. The offender may tell the victim that this incident was the last and the victim may believe this. Generally, the less severe and less frequent the incidents the more likely the victim is to stay.

Childhood

The victim may have been brought up in a home were domestic violence was accepted as normal behaviour. Victims may have been subject to child abuse or incest.

Financial dependence

The victim may be economically dependent on the abuser and see no real alternative. The partner may control all their finances, leaving no access to cash, cheques or important papers. Victims may also be afraid that if they report the crime or tell of the abuse the partner might lose their job, which may be the only source of income.

Fear

The victim may see no real way to protect themselves from the abuser. If they or even a neighbour report the abuser to the police they may face retaliation. Often victims are so terrified they will deny abuse when questioned. They may be afraid of upsetting the extended family, that the partner may follow through with threats of suicide or taking the children.

Isolation

Frequently the abuser is the victim's only psychological support system once other friendships have been systematically destroyed. Other people feel uncomfortable around violence and usually withdraw from it. The victim may have no idea of the services available and therefore feel trapped. Often relatives tire of helping out repeatedly. Having no one to talk to and no one to turn to, the victim has no support system or potential helpers.

Low self-esteem

The victim sees their behaviour having no effect, as the abuser has repeatedly abused them and without any consequences. Severely depressed people cannot take action. Often victims consider there is something wrong with them, that the violence is their fault and that they deserved punishment. The victim may believe that if they could improve or stop making mistakes the abuse would stop because this is what the abuser tells them after every assault.

Confusion

The victim may be confused about what leaving could mean. The relationship may have its good and bad points.

Hope

It is likely that the relationship did not begin like this so the victim may hope the situation will change.

Shame

The victim may well feel ashamed about what has happened and they may believe it was their fault.

Social stigma

Other people cannot understand why anybody would stay in a violent situation, so the victim may be embarrassed to admit that the abuse occurs.

Beliefs about marriage

Religious beliefs, cultural beliefs, society beliefs and their own personal beliefs may persuade people to maintain the facade of a good marriage. Often victims stay for the sake of the children.

Beliefs about their partner

Victims often still love their partners and are emotionally dependent. They may believe the abuser when they say they will change and that only the victim can help them achieve this.