Go to: main menu, sub menu; Skip navigation

Keeping Yourself Safe

Everyone's situation and circumstances are different, however the need to keep yourself and your children safe is paramount. If you have concerns about your safety you should contact the police who may be able to assist with advice and practical support. The following is a list of steps you may wish to consider :

Phone numbers

Keep a list ready of important phone numbers (eg police, friends, local refuge, help lines) for you and your children. The Domestic Abuse Unit can send you these numbers.

Tell a friend or neighbour

Are there friends or neighbours you could tell about the abuse? Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises.

Teach children how to get help

If you have children teach them how to dial 999 to ask for the police. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help.

Safer places in the home

Think about safer places in your home where there are no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen try to get your abuser into one of these safer places.

Weapons

Any weapon in the house. Think about how you could get it out.

Think about how you could get out safely

Even if you do not actually plan to leave the home think about how you could do it and where you could go. Practice ways of getting out by doing things that get you out of the house - taking out the rubbish, walking the dog, going to the shop. Put together a bag of things you use every day and hide it where it is easy for you to get it or ask someone you trust if they would keep this for you.

If you are considering leaving think about the following:

  • Think of four places you could go if you are leaving your home.
  • Think about people who will keep a bag for you, who might lend you money, look after your pets.
  • Keep change for phone calls or take a mobile phone (although the abuser may try to contact you on it if they know the number).

What will you take?

Put together a bag of things you use everyday like toiletries, a change of clothes and your children's favourite toys. Plus important documents you may need if you're on your own.

Checklist:

  • Identification
  • Birth certificates (for you and the children)
  • Money, bankbooks credit cards
  • Keys - house/car/office
  • Drivers licence and documents
  • Passport/visa/work permit
  • Lease/rental agreement
  • House deeds
  • Mortgage payment receipts
  • Insurance papers
  • Address book

Hide the bag where it is easy to get in a hurry.

If you have left

Abusers try to control their victim's life. When abusers feel a loss of control, e.g. when a victim tries to leave them, the abuse can get worse. Take special care when you leave. Keep being careful even after you have left.

Your safety

You still need to think about it. Think about when and where the abuser may try to contact you and if need be, how this can be avoided.

Emergency phone calls

Can you get access to a phone to call the police for help? Calls to 999 are free even if they are from a mobile phone.

Home security

Depending on the tenancy rights to your home consider changing locks, smoke and putting in some sort of basic security system. You may wish to consider getting legal advice before doing so. If you are a local authority or housing association tenant they may carry out this work on your behalf.

Tell a friend or neighbour

Tell friends or neighbours that your abuser no longer lives with you. Ask them to contact the police if they see your ex-partner approach you or your house, especially if you have obtained an injunction.

Inform teachers

Give people who take care of your children the names of the only people allowed to pick them up.

Change your routine

Think about using different shops and services than those that you used when you were with your abuser.

People to call to talk

Think about who you can call if you feel down. Call that person if you are thinking of going to a support group or workshop or if you are thinking of returning home. This can include voluntary and statutory bodies such as Womens Aid, the police or social work.

Safe ways to talk to your abuser

You may need to speak to your abuser. Try and think of safe ways to do this. If you don't want them to know your phone number and you are phoning from a land line dial 141 first. Many mobile phones have the facility to prevent your number being sent to the receiver, check to make sure this has been activated before you make a call.