Keeping Victims Safe
Victims of Domestic Abuse can and do seek help and advice from many different sources, including friends, family, colleagues, police officers, midwives, GPs, social workers, children's teachers, specific support agencies such as Women's Aid and Victim Support, leaflets and the Internet.
Whatever your relationship with a victim remember that it is often difficult for them to talk about or acknowledge they are being abused. They may be ashamed, fear reprisal, think they will not be believed, be attached emotionally to their abuser and want to protect them, or all of the above.
While there is no right or wrong way to help someone being abused, here are some suggestions depending on your relationship to the victim.
Family member, neighbour or friend
- Talk in a safe, private place.
- Take the time to listen and believe what you hear.
- Do not underestimate the danger.
- Express your concern for the persons safety.
- Do not expect change overnight, be patient and continue to offer your support.
- Do not judge or criticise the other persons decisions.
- Encourage the person to make their own choices but urge them to talk to someone who knows about domestic violence.
- Suggest local agencies that can help.
Employer or co-worker
- Managers and supervisors should understand the law that restricts employers from asking employees about certain health or home issues.
- If you observe signs that indicate someone is a victim of domestic violence let them know that you have noticed a problem.
- If the person wants to talk to you ask what help (if any) would be most useful. For example time off for court appearances, security escort to the car or not transferring phone calls from the abuser.
- Do not allow the situation to become the topic of office gossip.
- Do not tell the person what to do or judge their decisions.
- Get help from human resources or personnel department, an employee programme or other resources in your company or organisation.
Service provider who suspects customer, client or patient is being abused or is abusive
Your response will vary based on the type of service that you offer. This is a list of guidelines:
- Routinely ask every client or patient about being hurt by a partner or hurting others (asking everyone removes the stigma from domestic violence and helps overcome our own stereotypes of who might be abused or abusers).
- Ask questions in private.
- Ask questions that help a person tell you what is going on. Ask an injured person "Was this done by your partner?" rather than asking "How did you get hurt?" The second question makes it easy for both the client and the professional to deny abuse.
- Assess an abused person's safety and express your concern that the person may get hurt again.
- Don't agree with any statements that suggest the victim brought on the abuse.
- Help the person explore options for safety.
- Safety can often be increased if the victim allows one agency to liaise with another about the situation. Try to encourage the victim to give their consent for multi-agency work.
- It can help victims of violence in child contact proceedings and other situations where they have to demonstrate the abuse they have suffered, if agencies keep notes of the abuse. This is not intended to replace reporting incidents to the police but many victims may not wish to take this step at this particular point.
